Broken Bubbles( Автор Lil_Bit)

[Naisica]

Broken Bubbles
Time: Right after “Illusion”, in season 5
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine

***
Need to get drunk. Don’t want to sit in this dark sterile hole and sink slowly in thoughts. There has to be a way out. But no, bloody poof didn’t leave any. Need to carry on some tests bla-bla-bla…As if they didn’t know each other for ages to believe a single word of that shit. But he also said about Buffy and that jerk from
his dreams, Ronny. She moved on. Spike felt that his nails left a bloody traces on skin. Why? Why he had been ripped off the emptiness and became a someone’s toy again? But now he can’t even see her. Now it’s just aimless torture. And endless. He even didn’t deserve a death. Spike laughed aloud, feeling himself trapped in the conner. It meant that things couldn’t get worse, could they?

*

Dru screamed and woke up. Her eyes were wide-opened as if she saw something in the darkness, something she was afraid of. She sat up, fingers fidgeting nerversely with red dress, lips trembling like she was going to cry:

-No, no, no! Father is not going to feed my sweet boy! He will be starving!

Suddently she smiled, her voice lost its sharpness and became soft, as if she was singing a lullaby:

-No cage, no fangs. I’ll be a mother again.

She jumped down and stormed out from the crypt.

*

-Honney, it’s just a dream. It’s ok, darling, I’m here.

Buffy opened up her eyes and was staring at Ronny blankly trying to remember who he was and to return back to reality. But she didn’t want to. Her dreams were painful and crazy, but she wished them be true because then she could have changed something. But they were just dreams. She forced herself to smile and let Ronny to hug her tightly, putting her head on his shoulder.

-Hush, Buffy, you are safe with me.

*

Ronny couldn’t sleep. He did care about her and those nightmares were killing her slowly. Something was very wrong. He felt that every day she was going futher and further in the strange land and that he was losing her. Didn’t understand her at all, she was slippering away every time he thought he got the mystery in hand. But well, he was sturbbon and he knew what to do. They just needed more time together. That and more space. He smiled at that thought, because that was a good idea. Must work it out in the morning. Satisfied he fell asleep.
***
Spike was sitting at the dim bar and drinking. That was the first place he came to from that bloody lab. It didn’t matter where to get drunk. That hole was the same as thousand others in LA, half-empty and dark with faceless druncards and cheap whores. Great place to get lost and figure out what to do. Didn’t plan to come back into the Angel’s new boyscouts crew to play a scary demon hunter – boo!
But he hadn’t place where he could go. Hadn’t anybody except for her. No, hadn’t anybody without any exceptions. But maybe?..Yeah, maybe he should go to her house and just nock at the door, saying :”Hey, love, I’m back!”. And the door would be opened by that jerk, who’d ask politely how he could help him. Oh yeah, the best help would be vanished as fast as possible. Spike smirked. And then she would come downstares, stunned look on her face and ask “how and why?” Eh…Didn’t know, luv, that’s the problem…Someone’s dirty joke? Doomed to linger forever…Neat idea of hell, innit? And then Ronny would like to know who the heck he was. That’s where all the most interesting things would begin. What would she say? Just again “He worked with me?” or “He’s the old pal of mine” Like Zender. A glass in Spike’s hand uttered cracking noise warningly and he put it down quickly. Was he qualified up to Zender’s level? He had craved to be someone close for her, not a future dust pile or an evil disgusting thing. He had been envy to Angel, Raily and even Zender, because they meant something in her life. He didn’t. Well, he knew that she cared about him. But hell, he didn’t want to be someone instead any of them, not anymore. And he didn’t want to hear any of her answers, too painful…But he wanted to see her, to see her happy, her playful smile, her shining eyes…Just for a short moment to sneak in her life and then disappear forever before she would even notice his presence so he couldn’t spoil anything with forgotten memories of death and distruction. Just for a moment taste her bliss to make his hell sweeter…Need to stop thinking about it. Who did he try to fool? If he only saw her he couldn’t walk away.

Suddenly he heard woman’s scream in the street. Just in time. He ran to the sound and saw a vamp feeding on a screaming girl. He sensed Spike’s presence and growled:

-That’s my meal, go elsewhere.

-It isn’t fair not to share, - sighed Spike and dusted him casually. Even without fight. A fight would be the second thing he needed after got drunk. Made things easier.

-T-thanks, sir…

He looked at the sobbing scared girl blankly. Forgot about her completely. She sat on the ground, hands on her neck, trying to stop bleeding.

-Wanna me walk you home, pet? You are smelling like a meal with legs that had been warmed up and served. Too dangerous.

He helped her up. She walked slowly, too weak to speak a word. He followed her silently having no wish for chatting. Two dim shadows moving along the dirty walls. But she wasn’t just a shadow, she got a life, and she was heading home. His moving was purposeless. After she would close the door where he would go? Didn’t want to come back to that hole, drank enough already. He wanted to fight, to feel the rage, to feel anything to shut up the emptyness inside. Didn’t matter where, didn’t matter with who. After all, that’s the only thing he could do. Why not to be paid for it?

-That’s my home, sir. Would you like to come in?

Her voice was still weak, and he felt that any moment she could burst in tears.

-No, pet, gotta things to do. Sweat dreams and don’t hang along with vamps again.

He smiled encouragely and closed the door by himself, because she was just standing in the doorway, staring at him and not moving a finger. Then he went back to the W&H.
*
One more small town with meaningless name on her way. Poor silly humans, can’t even name their creation. Empty names always leads to empty lives. Faceless streets, hollow eyes of street lamps, empty hearts. The only crowded place in that time was that central avenue. Dru was going slowly through the crowd of people hurried here and there, tiny smile on her face, light movements, easy steps, eyes penetrating through shallow busy expressions, swimming and bathing in their dirty thoughts, trying to sense the fear, the most intoxicant and favorite food. It hit her suddenly and flooded completely and she laughed aloud, clapping hands happily – fun-fun-fun! People aroud looked at her strangely and hurried away, but she didn’t notice them anymore heading to the dark alley behind one of the houses.

-You, selfish bitch! You did it again and again, you don’t think about me coz it’s me who will answer for the consequences, me, always me! You are doing it to make me crazy!

He didn’t shout, he hissed it in her ear, face red from anger and vodka. Her eyes were closed tightly, the same with her lips, as if she knew that next moment he would hit her hard. And he did. Her obedience drove him wild more than anything else. He was scared to death of it, couldn’t understand why she didn’t run away or beg to stop. Stupid bint! He could lose everything next day because of her! That’s all her fault! He slapped her over face again, but she didn’t scream.

Dru watched them from the conner, smelling his fear and licking her lips. What a lovely picture! And that poor thing wasn’t scared, she was just doomed and got used to it. Dru didn’t like the feeling of calm doomed obedience, no taste at all, no fun. But she couldn’t resist the rage and fear mix of the man anymore, couldn’t wait even for the pretty picture so she stepped from the shadow and headed to him.

-What a naughty little girl you are punishing here. She had to behaive really bad, hadn’t she?

The man gave a start and turned to her, ready to put that too curious bitch to her place.

-That’s none of your business, you…

He couldn’t finish the sentence, because Dru lifted him in the air, her hands on his throat, and then let him fall down, smiling to girl and not taking her eyes off her, seeking for her reaction, craving for her fear, but felt nothing except for emptyness. So she just sanked her teeth in the man and stopped to notice her.

The girl walked away slowly.
*
Buffy Summers closed the door of her office and sighed with relief. She likes her work, she really did. She tried to do her best and give those teens right answers to help them find their ways in this world. Everybody was saying that she was a very good counsellor. But every time when she expained to the kids that to see the real states of things is a large step towards changing them she felt that something inside her losing hold and falling down making her uncomfortable as if she was telling lies. But she wasn’t! That’s the right thing and she did belive in it and that’s why that was really strange and disturbing. Maybe she should have become a policewoman or worked in prison. She smiled at that stupid thought – couldn’t imagine herself wearing uniform. And then, she wasn’t going to mix love and work together again and as far as Ronny worked…Ronny! She has to meet him in 20 minutes in the bar! Great, she would be late again. Buffy almost ran down the dark streets. Where that damned taxi when you needed it? Never around! Should come down and go slower – what the point of beng all sweatty and with bad hair in the bar? Anyway she’s late already and Ronny was always so sweet and nice, just a perfect boyfriend, you know? Never mad, always trying to understand and to give her everything she asked. Ah, that’s that place! She entered into the nice bar and saw Ronny sitting at the table and waving her invitingly.

-Hi, honney, you look great. How’s your day?

-Same old same old you know. Sorry for being late.

-That’s ok, darling. I was a bit late himself.

-Lier! You’re never late!

-How could you know if you’re never in time? That’s why I got a present for you.

He put on the table a small red box, and Buffy grabbed it eagerly, opening hurriedly. He was waching her with a smile, admiring her every movement and shining eyes. What a girl!

-Oh, thanks Ronny, it’s great! But get out of your dream, I’m still late-forever-girl.

She put a watch on her wrist and smiled brightly.

-I’ve got one more surprise for you, darling. Look what is it.

Buffy opened a white envelope he gave her and saw two tickets. She frowned:

-Are we going somewhere?

-We are going to travel, to see what you want and to do what you want, Buffy. I’m going to present you the whole world.

***
Spike heard a laughter. Silver, light and carefree laughter. Painfully familiar one. The one that had made him happy, the one that had made the night brighter. It was sudden and strange because that couldn’t be hers, and nobody could laugh as her. But he didn’t want to think about that right at the moment, just followed the sound losing all free will like a homeless dog smelling the taste of warm and friendly hands promising safe nights near to fire and chattering before sleep. It was leading him through the darkness of the streets, empty at that hour up to the cozy house with open doors and windows yellow from calm lighting. That’s bad – invitation needed. Wait, no, he was a human, right? That’s the great advantage in the situation. Spike entered into the room and listened. Ah, it was still audible from the other wing of the house. He hurried there, losing his patience and feeling like a lab rat into the maze trying to find a bit of cheese. And then he saw her. Buffy. Recognised in a sec, didn’t matter she looked like eleven years old. The girl saw him and smiled:

-Hi, Spike. How’s your day? Sleepy?

Then she frowned funny, trying to figure out the point:

-But what are you here? You are dead! Not living dead but dead dead! How can that happened you just came in here? Whatever. See, I’m busy. I have to sweep the floor, sweep my broken heart under that rag and then she would leave me at last.

And she pointed at the person standing near to the closed doors in the other end of the room. Spike couldn’t see her face but he knew exactly who it was. One more Buffy. Great, let’s make a party or something. He walked to her and called softly:

-Luv, what are you doing?

The words stuck in his throat as he saw her face. Expressionless. Empty eyes looked through him at that closed door. Bloody doors! What could be behind it?

-Where…Where do you want to go?

He felt that his voice became sharp and broken, his throat parched suddenly. And then she answered, words falling like stones into the deep well and echoed in his head with watter splashes:

-A land. A place where I can be me finally. Where I can tell myself the truth and nobody will hear. It’s good there. Only me. And sometimes you, every time I managed to stop the First without your help, I can talk to you there, can repeat again and again, how much I love you and how wrong I was making you wait to hear those words only in the last seconds of your life. I want to go there and never come back, but every morning I have to leave my warm bed and smile and lie to myself and others and sweep splinters of my heart under the rag. Because you will never come back.
*
It was raining. Warm and caressing summer rain drops was flowing down her face and body, whitewashing fear and pain, whispering that they could be the whole like river, like ocean. The single whole nothing can destroy. Never. Dru was listening to their song attentively, licking accidental drops on her lips and smiling.
Happiness fulfiled her, bursted her open and she took off her shoes throwing them far away. Time for fun. She started jumping over colorful puddles, feeling how soft pliable mud kissing her feet covering them for a moment and them splashing away. She had liked to do it when she was alive. When she was a child, strange fledgling with odd visions older people called damned, devil’s gift. She hadn’t understood a single word of them then, living in her own world and waiting for rainy days to have fun. She had grown up imperceptibly for herself, locked in the rainbow. And then daddy had noticed her. He had painted raindrops in red, she drank them and drank, but still remained thirsty. Still thirsty. Rain stopped suddenly and Dru sighed with disappointment. Why fun can’t last forever? No happy family, no deep love. Nothing’s like ocean, everything dried up leaving only sandtaste scratching throat and hurting tongue, mixing it up with flavour of her own blood and making her dizzy, angry and powerless, making her just another sand grain blowing away with the wind. But right now she could stop even wind, because she was going to become a mother, she was going to water the dried ocean.

And then she sensed the threat. It came with a dream and was pure and clear, leaving no place for doubts. It made her whine and cry, it drove her crazy, because she was unprepared. Threat always came with the sun. She got used that dreams were her land, they made her hush, soothered her pain singing songs and telling fairytales, they were safe. But that one was different. She sensed that it was shared, and not only with her. And they understood the meaning. And they could spoil her fun again. Need to hurry up.
*

The whole day Spike couldn’t put the dream out of his head. Even it wasn’t a vision, but a weird creantion of his twisted brain, there’s a lot to think about. Even if she moved on and was happy why he suddenly decided he had right to leave her not knowing that he’s back? That should be her choice. Always was. Too painful to see? No will to leave? What, being selfish here? Ok, there’s simple way out. Call her you bloody idiot!

So he had a nice talk with Fred, found out the number and here he was, standing near to the phone box, heart beating fast and trying to break free. He could hear her voice! But no, one more disappointment.

-Hi, it’s Buffy. I will be out for a while, maybe for a long while. Actually I even don’t know when I’ll be back coz it takes a lot of time to see the world. Anyway leave your message after the signal.

Spike froze. Too late. The world was sinking slowly into oblivion. The moment of hearing her voice more exactly her voice mail and nothing mattered again. He was standing there, receiver still in his hand, and couldn’t move a fingure.

-Does it sing to you, my sweet boy? I couldn’t hear anything, it’s just dead and mute.

Spike gave a start. Dru! She was looking at him and smiling, her body moving in time with words.

-Answer me, my boy. Are you deaf too? Don’t hear the voice of blood, poor lost baby. But mummy is here to help you.

Dru moved closer, her hands caressing his cheek, eyes half-closed.

Spike was trying to think fast. Bad that she didn’t want just to kill him. He knew she was too strong for him human.

-We could be together again. Look at me, Spike. We’ll put this world on its knees again.

-Really? Don’t think so!

Buffy threw Dru away from the phone box.

-Stay away from my boyfriend!

That was too much even for Spike. Boyfriend?! What, did he lose his mind? Still dreaming? He touched her hand and felt it was warm and close.

-I’m your boyfriend?

-Well yeah. If you still love me.

They were looking at each other for a moment and then he kissed her.
*
Dru was watching them, her lips trembling and whispering hurriedly:

-Broken bubbles, everywhere. Too much soap in my eyes. And no water, only sand, cruel sand.

She walked away slowly. They’ve got the ocean. And she’s just a sandgrain washed away by its waves.

The end.